Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Infirmary
Our house has been plagued with the flu. I have the horrible stuffy, earache, sneezy, coughy kind. Kenzie has the flu. The scary thing, Hannah Grace will be here in 5 days. Ready or not here she comes. I am guessing Kenzie and I will be all better by then, just praying the rest of the family stays well. Prayers of health are warmly welcomed. The good news, I don't have much time to focus on my fear while taking care of my little sick girl!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Prayers accepted!
As the last few days are winding down I am filled with a mixture of emotions; fear, excitement, anxiety. Remembering God is in control at a time like this seems like an impossible task. I find myself sleeping less and worrying more. The fear of the unknown is far too much for the human to take on, which is why we are to give it to God. I just have a hard time letting go.
As I watch my blood pressure rise and rise and rise at each visit I become more fearful of my past experience. For many, childbirth is a wonderful moment for a family to grow and bond. For me, its a very scary time when my life was hanging on the line and a fight for my life that I almost didn't win. It was a time of chaos, confusion, fear, pain and so many more. But I did win the battle I am here today. But the thought of going to a place that could potentially end in a different situation is very scary. I don't remember much of my past, however that day rings clear as a bell. Why can't I forget it? Why can't it be like Tuesday January something of 2000. I don't remember that day. Why do I have to have May 21, 2004 so embedded in my brain that I can remember the face on the Dr as I slipped out of consciousness.
Trusting that God has prepared my Dr and nurses is very hard to do. I pray for them daily that should any situation arise that they are equipped and knowledgeable. I pray for their families and personal lives, that they are clear headed and able to focus. I just can't help but worry. Did they check my blood enough? Did they check my blood pressure enough? Did they check for protein enough? Do they really know enough about the rare illness that I got last time? Call me a worry wort. But I just can't shake the "what ifs."
As of last Friday Hannah Grace was measuring 8lbs 11oz. Yikes. Now, she may not be that big as its just an estimation from the ultrasound but she is definitely well over 8lbs. Also, my usually low blood pressure has gotten very high. So high in fact that he checked it 3 times before I was allowed to leave. He decided that it was in my best interest to induce labor. My appt is set for Monday January 14th. We are hoping that she decides to come beforehand so I don't have to be induced but that is the last day. I am also supposed to monitor my blood pressure daily and if it gets any higher to go straight to the hospital. So far no changes and she still doesn't want to come out.
So here I am left to trust in the Lord. Trust that He is in control and that all these worries Satan has placed in my head are meant to be given to Him. So I go where I know I will find the answers:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."Matthew 6:24
As I watch my blood pressure rise and rise and rise at each visit I become more fearful of my past experience. For many, childbirth is a wonderful moment for a family to grow and bond. For me, its a very scary time when my life was hanging on the line and a fight for my life that I almost didn't win. It was a time of chaos, confusion, fear, pain and so many more. But I did win the battle I am here today. But the thought of going to a place that could potentially end in a different situation is very scary. I don't remember much of my past, however that day rings clear as a bell. Why can't I forget it? Why can't it be like Tuesday January something of 2000. I don't remember that day. Why do I have to have May 21, 2004 so embedded in my brain that I can remember the face on the Dr as I slipped out of consciousness.
Trusting that God has prepared my Dr and nurses is very hard to do. I pray for them daily that should any situation arise that they are equipped and knowledgeable. I pray for their families and personal lives, that they are clear headed and able to focus. I just can't help but worry. Did they check my blood enough? Did they check my blood pressure enough? Did they check for protein enough? Do they really know enough about the rare illness that I got last time? Call me a worry wort. But I just can't shake the "what ifs."
As of last Friday Hannah Grace was measuring 8lbs 11oz. Yikes. Now, she may not be that big as its just an estimation from the ultrasound but she is definitely well over 8lbs. Also, my usually low blood pressure has gotten very high. So high in fact that he checked it 3 times before I was allowed to leave. He decided that it was in my best interest to induce labor. My appt is set for Monday January 14th. We are hoping that she decides to come beforehand so I don't have to be induced but that is the last day. I am also supposed to monitor my blood pressure daily and if it gets any higher to go straight to the hospital. So far no changes and she still doesn't want to come out.
So here I am left to trust in the Lord. Trust that He is in control and that all these worries Satan has placed in my head are meant to be given to Him. So I go where I know I will find the answers:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."Matthew 6:24
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